Something Besides The Cold
by Michele aka AML
Summary: Angel has a nightmare and seeks something to feel besides the cold. C/A


**Title:** Something Besides The Cold

**Rating:** R, for language and sexual content

**Author:** Michele           

**Summary:** Angel has a nightmare and seeks something to feel besides the cold. 

**Couple:** Cordy/Angel   
**Feedback:** Yes please! Much needed!  
**Disclaimer:** Who me? *looks around innocently and laughs* yeah right…I wish I owned them. *********************************************************************

Cordelia looked up from her magazine as she heard a knock emerging from her apartment door. She placed her the magazine on her nightstand and slowly got out of bed. The knock became louder and she wrapped her arms around her body tightly as she reached the front door feeling the cold air coming from under the crack.

"I'm coming dammit…keep your pants on," she yelled towards the door as the knock became even louder. She angrily opened the door ready to give the person a piece of her mind.

"What the fuck…Angel?" Angel stood on the other side arms wrapped around his body trying to contain himself from shivering. Was it impossible for a vampire to freeze? Well, Cordelia wasn't about to find out as she pulled him into her apartment quickly closing the door behind him.

"Angel, what the hell are you doing here?" She could hear the chattering of his teeth as he attempted to speak.

"I…I had…" She didn't wait for him to continue. She rushed him to her bedroom and sat him on her bed while she got blankets to wrap in him.

"Just sit there and I'll get to warm up. God…do you not have a brain or did you forget it on your way here?" Angel suppressed a smile from his position as he watched her gather more blankets for him.

"Ha…ha." She came back and placed the blankets next to him. She peeled off his jacket and hung it over a near by chair. She thought for a while and decided on another solution.

"Let's get you into a hot bath and then we'll cover you up." She left to draw his bath and returned shoving him towards the bathroom. 

"Call me when you're finished. And don't show your body to the water…take a nice *long* bath." Angel nodded and went to take the bath. She left her room and went to the kitchen to make him some coffee.

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**~30 minutes~**

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"Cordy!!!" Cordelia raised her head up from her magazine (now reading it in the living room) hearing her name and looked at the clock by the kitchen. 

"Eh…long enough." She rushed to the bathroom and handed Angel some clothes that she had borrowed from him but forgot to return. She knew they would come in handy one of these days. She left to get the cup of coffee and waited for him to come out.

Angel egressed from the bathroom and she stared at him. He was in a t-shirt that hugged his chest from the excess moister and some black sweats that hung loosely on his hips as he still dried his hair with a towel. She had to admit the guy was gorgeous, no mistake in that but this was her boss and she shouldn't be thinking of him like that.

"Cordelia?" His voice rang through her ears knocking her free of her wishful thinking.

"Um…yeah…let's get your hair dry." Angel rolled up his eyes in attempt to look at his hair. 

"Isn't it dry enough?" She chuckled and brought him to the bed to sit. She took the towel from him and placed herself between his legs as she finished drying his hair. He absent-mindedly put his hands on her hips, which made her stiffen. She wasn't sure if it was from his touch or the freezing coldness that radiated from his hands. She stopped as she looked at him running her fingers through his damp hair, as it stood straight up. 

Oh yeah…he was gorgeous.

He looked up at her as he again inattentively rubbed his hands up and down the sides of her abdomen lifting her shirt and fingering the tattoo that he knew was located on the small of her back. She closed her eyes as she felt his cool hands sending fire sparks throughout her body yearning for his touch. He pulled her closer to him closing the already small gap between them as he forced his growing erection against her thighs. She gasped as she felt his hard on and firmly pulled from his grasped not meeting his eyes.

"Um…so your hair's dry and…your uh…coffee is right there…and I'm just going to uh…put these clothes on some chairs…so you drink that and um…yeah get warm." She exited *her* room and Angel watched her go, a mysterious smirk on his angelic face.

Cordelia hung his clothes over the sofa and braced herself against the wall for support as her breathing became erratic. What the hell just happened? The cold must be getting to him. What happened to her? What made her do that? She closed her eyes as she replayed the scene that just happened. She again got that sudden feeling like she was on fire as she pictured his hands trailing further down her thighs and…

Stop! Just stop right there!

She opened her eyes and took in two deep breaths before walking back into her room finding him still sitting in the same spot but with the steaming cup of coffee in his hands. She looked at him and he looked like he didn't even recognize her when she walked in. She gathered up all her strength as she made her way to sit next to him on the bed. When he felt the bed shift under her weight he turned to her and she gave him a warm smile.

"You feel better now?" 

"No…I'm still a little cold." She reached out to touch his hands as the images of what happened and more flashed before her eyes. It was like a vision but without the pain. She pulled back quickly as she looked him in the eyes and was surprised to find passion and lust. She quickly looked down at her hands away from his deceitful eyes.

"You don't seem cold…you know just the usual." She then remembered he didn't tell her why he was suddenly showing up at her door at the wee hours of the night. She turned to him all signs of flushness gone.

"Hey mister, what the hell are you doing here anyways?" It was Angel's turn to look at his hands.

"I…I had a nightmare." Cordelia arched an eyebrow at him.

"What? You come to my apartment at what…2am because you had a nightmare? Your such a *baby*." She got from the bed rolling her eyes at the so-called 'man' before her.

"It…it was about my past…as Angelus." Cordelia turned quickly facing him her eyes softening. She hadn't known it was one of *those* nightmares. She hated when he had those. Dreaming of the torture and pain he brought to all those people. She could just see him fidgeting and sweating in his bed as he fought the images of the havoc him and his sire use to create. She slowly walked back to sit next to him as she again ran her fingers through his hair this time out of love and compassion and like a best friend comforting her best friend.

"I'm sorry Angel…I didn't know…I thought it was just one of those normal nightmares you got as an excuse to come to my apartment." Angel chuckled. Even in a bad time she always knew how to make things lighter. She smiled at him as she cupped the side of his face and turning it to face her. She looked him in the eyes and she could see his nightmare through the dark seeping pools of brown. She caressed the side of his face and he closed his eyes as he leaned into her hand to feel her warmth.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" He opened his eyes to meet hers and saw that she was serious. 

"I don't know…it was really bad this time." She dropped her hand from his face and grasped his hands in her little ones.

"I don't care. You can tell me *anything*…you know that." He closed his eyes as he remembered the mental images. He opened them once again and looked down at their clasped hands, running his thumbs on the outer parts of her hands, feeling the soft skin, and wishing she were closer to help him drown out the pain and bitterness he was feeling. She gave him a small squeeze reassuring him that it was ok.

"These ones were the rare ones I get. The ones where…" He sighed. He couldn't tell her this. It was gruesome and horrific and it was just *wrong*. She again squeezed his hands and he looked up at her eyes. He saw love and concern and everything that made him know that she was ok with this and that no matter what she would be there for him. He sighed again and continued.

"Well you already know that before I became…a monster…"

"Angel your not…"

"Yes I am Cordelia and you know it. Just…please…let be get through this." She nodded and let him continue.

"Before I became a monster…I used to party and drink and carouse…and do things that I would *never* do again."

"I know Angel about your past before you were a vampire but what's making you feel this way? Just tell me." She ran her hands up and down his arm and he closed his eyes again as he felt her warmth run freely through his body. He took a deep breath as he tried to contain the demon that wanted to surface within.

"I would torture them…and smile as I listen to them scream. I got my jollies off of watching them squirm…and…and try to get away as I…I broke them and ripped them apart not giving a damn about anything else. Darla would just watch and spur me on and I would get the greatest feeling out of it. Cordy…I was like a man that had no dignity and I enjoyed it. I can still hear them…screaming and crying…" He pulled his hands from Cordelia's and buried his face in his hands as he began to shake. She pulled his hands from his face and forced him to look at her.

"Angel, Angel…who are you talking about? What do you mean them?" He looked wide-eyed at her wondering how come she hadn't caught on. He lowered his head as if ashamed to look at her.

"Women." He whispered and Cordelia almost barely heard him.

"Wo…oh my god." She let go of him to cover her mouth as she contained the emotions flooding through her. He looked back up at her and his eyes were moist on the verge of tears.

"Yes Cordy…women. I tortured them and raped them and listen to them scream as I tore them apart…some barely even your age and oh god…I'm sorry…I'm sorry I even told you." Cordelia didn't say anything as she got up from the bed her hands still covering her mouth. She closed her eyes and as if she was there, seeing the images flash behind her eyes. She shot them open quickly and gasped. She knew he did some horrible things in his past but she had never imagined they were this graphic.

"I'm cold Cordy…I can't feel anything and that's why I came here…I wanted to feel something…"

"Besides the cold." She finished his sentence for him knowing exactly how he felt. She pushed back all her fear and walked back to him to stand in front of him. She cupped his face in her hands forcing him to look at her.

"Hey…it's ok. I understand and you don't have to worry…" Angel ripped his face from her grasp and stood making Cordelia grasp her nightstand for balance. He walked away his back turned to her.

"I don't want your pity…Buffy…" Cordelia threw her hands in the air.

"Why does this always turn back to Buffy? Buffy this and Buffy that…well you know what…I'm not fucking Buffy." Angel turned around to see her on the verge of tears.

"Cordy I'm…"

"No! Don't…you don't want pity…then I don't fucking pity you. Everything you've done in your past…you've gotten what you've deserved. Buffy may have taken you in with open arms and tried to kiss away all your hurt but, not to sound cruel, I would rather let you rot in your misery and see you come out stronger then ever then have you hang on me and can't get on with your damn unlife because you think you have somebody to fall back on." Cordelia sighed and walked over to her window as she peered out at the city crossing her arms.

"I'm not Buffy…I know that…and I will never amount to her greatness…all the things she's done and accomplished…but I do know that I can do just as hell of a job at making someone's pain go away and replacing it with love as she can…if only they would give me the chance." Angel walked up to her and she could hear his soft footsteps on the carpet. She didn't even turn around as she spoke making him stop only a foot from her.

"I know you Angel…you say you don't want pity…then don't pity me. Besides…this is about *you* not me." He smiled and continued forward wrapping his arms around her from behind. He kissed the top of her hair and inhaled her tantalizing scent as again the demon within wanted to surface.

"You're right…you're not Buffy and I thank God for that because *you*, Cordelia Chase, keep me in check everyday of my *unlife*." He could feel her chuckle as he empathized on her word.

"*You're* the one who has taught me that the demon and me are two different people and that *I'm* more powerful then *him*. *You're* the one who has showed me that if nothing we do matters, then all that matters is what we do. *You're* the one I come to when I'm battered and beaten. *You're* the one I came to when I had this nightmare." He slowly slid his hands under her tiny shirt feeling the soft warm skin of her stomach under his cold bitter hands. Cordelia closed her eyes and unfolded her arms relaxing as she felt his touch once again sending fire throughout her body. He brought his lips to her ear and his whispering voice sent shivers down her spine.

"And *you*, Cordy, are the one I wanna feel besides the cold." 

His voice was husky and she could hear the desire in it. She bit her lip and leaned back into his embrace as he cupped her breast through the material of her silk bra. She turned around in his embrace his hands never leaving from inside her shirt. She looked up at him with love and compassion.

"We can't Angel…the curse…" Angel sighed. He knew she was right. He cursed himself for being so careless and removed his hands from her shirt. 

"I'm sorry…" Cordelia didn't let him finish as she captured his lips with hers. The kiss was soft at first helping him relieve all the hurt and fear he was feeling. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he wrapped his around her waist pulling her closer to him. He deepened the kiss pouring out all his emotions and showing her how much she really meant to him in that one moment. He passed his tongue over her bottom lip and she opened willingly. He ravaged her mouth with his, their tongues dancing together wanting and desiring the other. After what seemed like eternity she pulled back gasping for breath. She ran her hands through his hair as she looked at him seeing the same emotion she was feeling.

Love.

"I love you." He whispered as he brought a hand to her face and traced it with a light finger. She closed her eyes and smiled.

"I love you too." She pulled from his arms, yet still holding his hand, and led him to her bed.

"I know there isn't much we can do but I do know that we can cuddle…and you being a cuddly vampire and all…" She gave him her 100-watt smile as she got in bed and motioned him to do that same. He smiled at her and slid under the covers next to her pulling her close to him. She rested her head on his chest as she ran a hand up and down it. He kissed the top of her head and stroked her hair lovingly.

"Are you still cold?" She looked up at him and he smiled kissing her lightly on the lips.

"Not any more."               *********************************************************************

Reviews Please! You know I love them! ~Michele~                                                                          


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